It's Been A While - Postpartum

I haven’t touched on Postpartum in a while. Quite frankly it still lingers on top of my other mental disorders. I had forgot it was even a thing till someone commented on an old post. I thought I knew what Postpartum was but I was wrong. It’s not just sadness, but also rage.

Postpartum Rage; is a real thing that most people don’t know about because its not talked about. I was so angry towards anyone but my baby. Anything my husband did or said set me off. The kid’s running around being kids set me off because it was too loud for the baby. I felt like I was going crazy when in reality I wasn’t and there was a logical reason for the way I was feeling.

Not just moms get it. That’s right not just moms get it; Dads, and adoptive parents can all get Postpartum. Having a baby is a huge life altering event that can pull anyone down. You don’t have to give birth to love a child so it makes sense that you don’t have to give birth to get the overwhelming effects of being a new parent.

You can start showing symptoms before you even give birth. I fully believe I was showing symptoms way before having my son. I was such an angry person and had intrusive thoughts towards certain people. My fears didn’t seem like fears they felt so real. Caused so many fights with everyone around me.

Not everyone is going to get the same symptoms that another mom has. We should not be shaming each other on how we parent or other things. Parenting is hard no matter who you are. We get so lost in wanting to be perfect and do it right that we actually make postpartum worse for other moms.

Do your research, look into what things can set you off. Don’t take “Your fine” as an answer. Fight and communicate and be honest with your OBGYN. I was even told at one point I was better and my postpartum was better. Once I stopped my meds the rage came back in full swing. In my opinion you literately are going crazy without being crazy. You are not crazy for having Postpartum no matter how bad you feel. There is always a way out before you hit psychosis.

I never got to the psychosis stage but I got to the intrusive thoughts stage. Remember when I said above everyone is different, I didn’t get intrusive thoughts towards my husband or the baby which is the most common. I got intrusive thoughts towards my step daughter. No matter what she did it was wrong. My husband was favoring her over the other two kids. My husband wanted to be with her mom just because she was her mom, which was crazy because I taught her how to talk, potty trained her, and helped with her development in so many ways. I may not have been her biological mom but I will always be her mom. Paranoia and the PPOCD made me believe all of my feelings instead of thinking I’m okay but in reality, I wasn’t.

Every one is different so ask and ask till you get your answers. Not everyone is the same so please follow your instincts and listen to your partner. I was lucky to have a partner who fought and fought for me to be okay. He believed in me no matter how bad I got. He fought for me and my son. If you aren’t lucky enough to have this fight for yourself.