Blind Faith

I went into my marriage under complete blind faith. I actually went to Washington before I even got married on blind faith. I had only known him a few weeks and drove 900 miles to meet him. It was instant chemistry, we had discussed getting married over Skype and decided what the hell and I married him on September 22, 2016. There was so much I didn’t know because I went with blind faith. I wish blind faith was easy because maybe I wouldn’t be fighting for my ex husband to not be my ex anymore. I wouldn't be regretting a divorce I 100% thought was the right decision.

I love him so much it scares me. I walked away thinking it was what was best for my son And me. It felt like someone took my soul and heart from me but I stuck with it after filing twice. Yes you heard right I filed for divorce twice, that’s how unsure I was. That should have been a sign but I’m stubborn. I thought love wasn’t enough but I was wrong. I gave up on love, blind faith and trust. I hope we make it because the man I married on blind faith is my best friend. He’s my person, my everything. He knows how to stop/get me out of a seizure, he knows I’m messy and loves me anyways, he thinks I’m cute when I get hyper and weird. He loves even the messy parts of me.

I cannot believe I walked away from someone like him but no matter what happens, he’s the father of the greatest gift I could have ever gotten. I love him, no matter what you decide that won’t change. I’m in this relationship. I’m so in, it’s humiliating because here I am begging. I love you. I’m messy and complicated. But I love you in a really really big, Tolerate your music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio above my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate it. But I love you. So pick me, choose me, love me. No more running because god dammit you are enough, you are the one and always will be.