4th Ketamine Treatment June 4th

Fourth ketamine treatment was today. They upped me to 100MG and the high was very Intense. I sat there and it first started with getting dizzy till the disassociation started. I saw boxes and shadows. I’m incredibly aware of everything but so exhausted. I feel clearer while feeling high so that’s a weird feeling. I don’t remember most of the things I did today. My real life feels like a dream and sometimes I feel like I made everything up so seeing my son and the family is always a good feeling afterwards. My brain is changing and slowly unlocking and memories are coming that I never knew were there. We discussed how many treatments I have to do today and we will re-address after the 6th one but with memories popping up and me not evening out yet means I’ll probably need more than the 6 but it’s all trial and error and everyone is different. With the amount of trauma I have been through plus being on medication for depression since I was 15 my brain may take longer to heal since it’s stuck in a cycle of needing meds and repressing everything. Overall I feel good and not for one second do I regret these treatments no matter how much I have to sacrifice for them so I can be me again.