15th Ketamine Treatment

Things have been really good. My meds are all working good, my new job is taking off and I am so happy. I love getting up and going to work. My baby turned 2 and is beyond smart. Watching him grow has been a huge blessing. I was still getting lost in my head though, I wonder if I will ever have a time that I don't get lost in my head. My last infusion was in December, I thought I had made it 6 months but just a month under. Borderline Personality disorder is a battle I fight every day. My own brain makes me believe facts that aren't truth. It makes me question my gut, spiral into what if's and loose who I am.

I knew I needed a booster because fighting the war in my head was getting harder. The scenarios my brain would come up with were destroying me from the inside like a slow brain bleed. I was losing control over situations that weren't even real. I got the best new in the world. True love can win in the end, but I'll get into that in another post.

I found out good news and I tried to sabotage it. I had to find something wrong with it, there couldn't just be a happy moment. I let my mind spiral and almost lost what I had been fighting for the last couple of months. I am slowly finding myself again and am lucky to have someone love me as much as they do. Who knows me better than I do, and still loves me with all my little flaws and messiness. My insurance kicks in 7 days and I will start to know more about my journey with pathways.

I have a lot of support when it comes to my mental health, Ketamine is hit and miss. Some of my support system supports it and sees the benefits. Some people don't, they think ketamine is addicting. Addiction runs in my family so any substance drug is scary in my family. But honestly Ketamine was a game changer no matter what other people think.

It balances me out and allows me to not fall into the bad parts of the messy Haley. I am able to recognize when the messy parts are coming and what needs to be done to make sure I get to the other side. I can't change who I am but I can recognize it and make sure I don't carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had traumatic events in my life and there is no way to make sure it doesn't continue. But I've also had some really good things in my life. It's all about what you take out of the things that happen to you. We can feel it, be angry, sad, happy and whatever else it takes but you have to move on when it's all over. Cherish the good things and let go of the bad.