The sun was a little brighter today

Today started off rough, and I honestly thought it was going to set the rest of my day off but it didn't. we talk a lot about self awareness and how it can change everything and damn is it true.

I had a ton of photos of Darren and I fall out of a box this morning. Now as most of you know, I get rid of everything when relationships end for me. It's been a coping mechanism for me and I'm working on it. I'm no longer deleting stuff because they happened and I wish I wouldn't have deleted the 8 months we spent together but I did. Maybe it was the universe's way of challenging me and saying we got this. Either way I'm leaning into it.

Since Eddie started taking a few of his dads calls again his panic attacks are back. The separation anxiety is in full swing; EXCEPT he is still sleeping in his own bed he just wakes up a lot and I end up in there sometimes. So damn proud of this kid! Were driving to his school and he said "mom, I will get rid of everything I own and want if you will just stay home with me and not work. You can even return all my Christmas presents". To say this put me into tears is an understatement.... I'd give anything to be able to stay home with him every day. I hope one day he knows I do everything for him and I'd do almost anything to be with him every day. Just have to show him I am and will continue to be consistent in his life. I will be the constant he can always rely on. He starts with the top trauma therapist next week and I am stoked for him to have his own advocate along with being able to make progress for him.

I have one job title at work but do about 5 and was just thrown another job and thought for sure I wouldn't take anything else on my plate. But I went in and held my head high and kicked ass. I accomplished every single thing they asked me to do and am continuing keeping things flowing at home. I really need to stop doubting myself and trust that I am quite the girl.

I've made strides since April when Darren left, June when I moved here, and even these months when I've struggled. I turn 30 in 26 days and it's been such a blessing to look back on the last decade and see how much progress and improvement I've made. I didn't think I'd ever live to be 30 so this isn't just the "Dirty 30", it's a achievement and celebration that I am still alive. I'm financially stable and happy and that's all I could ask for.

Cancun next year, universal the year after since Eddie will be 6 (Yeah I know I wanna scream, how did we get here!!!???) than were finding us a house. The next year is going to blow peoples mind and that's not even the next 10. My book is coming along and I got more ideas for other ones. I have drive like I've never had before and I think a lot of it is I am aware of everything. My mood, Eddies, money, future, my goals and so much more. It's stopping and slowing down and not reacting like my world is ending.

Today was amazing! Dancing in the kitchen, laughing, smiling and energy amazing. Anyone who has stuck with me this long I'm grateful for you because it took me a long time to get here and if you've stayed this long your the best kind of person out there.

It's crazy what happens when you stop caring what people say about you and love yourself. Lean in deep and learn who you really are and work on her so much that nothing else matters but Eddie of course. Hope everyone else had a good day today 😉