24th Ketamine

I scheduled this 6 months ago because that's around when I get them now unless something sets me off sooner. I wasn't even entirely sure if I needed this one but was going to go ahead and get it done with the holidays coming up. I got a little down right before driving down to Utah but didn't think anything of it, so I was happy I had kept the appointment. When I was driving down it hit and I realized why internally I was struggling so bad. Thursday the 15 I had been single for 8 months after being in an 8-month relationship; we would have been bringing a baby into this world this month if I hadn't lost it. That was a lot of baggage to come up on the one hour I had left to drive.... So, I cried and leaned into it because running away hasn't helped me, as for leaning in has helped tremendously. It also doesn't help that Eddie is telling everyone I have a baby in my chunky (🙄 I know how rude) belly and when I tell him I don't he gets mad and says I'm mean for not giving him a baby. Especially when his sister has told him you don’t need a dad to have a baby. If only that was the case kiddo, trust me we’d have baby.

Now once I broke down things went well, and I was feeling back to normal. Had a good night with my nephews and visited with my family. Then Friday Eddie got to go to his old daycare and spend time with everyone he missed. He had a ball and that was so fun to watch. It’s impossible to describe how much we miss that daycare. It was a second home and I’ll never be able to repay her for everything she’s done for us and continues to from a far.

Ketamine was good and is definitely helping, I’m still pretty numb, but it all comes with the unknown of Ketamine. It also didn’t help that I was waiting for a call to head to the hospital for a baby to be born so I didn’t rest like I should have so by the end of the day I was wiped out. Could barely function or keep my eyes open. I’m feeling better today but still extremely exhausted.

My 30th birthday party is tonight and I’m so excited to see everyone and have a night seeing old friends. It’s crazy to be closing an entire decade of my adult life in 8 days! I’m so excited to see and manifest what my 30’s are to bring! Not to mention the plans 2023/2024 are bringing us! Eddies birthday weekend I’m surprising him with an Oregon trip to see the Ocean for the first time, Cancun in September than 2024 Universal for Eddies 6th birthday! How is my kid almost 5?!? 😳 Best 5 years of my life!

Overall things are good! Have some big answers coming about helping Eddie and his treatment plan in therapy! We both have lots of work to do but it’s all worth it.

Little man we are going to have one damn good life 😉 Mamma loves you