Taking a breathe even when it feels unfair

Everyone has trauma and shitty times but from my perspective it's time for even more of a break than I'm getting. Don't get me wrong my life is the best it's ever been and I'm making progress. So this weekend I got a call that literally put me into instant tears. I know being a mom is so fucking hard but you have to try your best. It took me 7 months to get pregnant with Eddie and will most likely will be the same if I ever have another baby; but people who sleep around and get pregnant by flicking their fingers.

I know everything happens for a reason and my path is the way it is for a reason but god damn I am so damn angry. I'm not the only one dealing with wanting a baby more than anything and I don't even have a partner like some. I've held friends because they lost another baby or didn't have a positive test. Woman who would be amazing mothers and give their all. I hope we all get out little ones eventually but damn it hurts to see.

Than the whole love thing, I've tried dating a little and it's not been fun. Dating now is such a joke and I'm over it. Don't get me wrong I'm finally were I was before Darren; I'm good by myself and always will be if that's how it ends up being but that doesn't mean I don't want that someone else who loves everything that comes with Eddie and me. Darren and I were pretty healthy for the most part but I know with everything in me I can have a healthier one that is true; no more pretend love.

This generation is a joke when it comes to love and relationships; something I'll never understand. Tomorrow would have been a year and I'm grateful I didn't invest an entire year to someone who wasn't good enough for us. I'd rather be alone and know my worth than ever take the bare minimum again.

Here is a photo of when I finally got my dream