Post Breakup

Well I'm still alive...

All jokes aside though, I'm taking this pretty well. I have my bursts of anger and emotions but for the most part I'm okay. It's brought a ton of reflection and thinking so the lesson is being received.

I wish I could say I didn't still love this man but I do. We realized we want different futures and I'm starting to accept that even though I wish it was black and white so it made more sense but this is real life and that doesn't happen. This man though..... He brought so much more light than dark into my life and I will forever be grateful for that. He got me out of the fearful routine that had it's tight hold on me. He got me out of my shell again and showed me how I should be treated. He pushed me to do the things I love and I'll cherish the memories forever. Sometimes good things just aren't meant to last forever no matter how bad you want it to.

This breakup is going to end up taking us where we're meant to be, and I'm trusting in the flow the best I can. We move in June to Idaho to be closer to my Dad. I need more support with Eddie and schedules and my dad is able to do that. I need a fresh start from all the baggage that comes with West Valley.....

I bought a couch, paint and some other stuff this weekend. Now once I have employment we will move and start new. It's scary, I've gone back and forth so many times today because the last jump I made landed Eddie and Me with a broken heart; but I can't continue being terrified to move forward because I may get burnt again. I'm stronger because of it and even if I end up alone forever; at least have the best son ever and made the best decisions I knew how. He will know that fear only makes us stronger and gets us to where we are meant to be.