New Turn

I was painting my nails while really reflecting on things. I was irritated and kinda just angry, seems to be my usual emotion lately. I am so damn lonely.... It’s not wanting sex (because we all know how that is) but connection. Having someone to laugh with, watch tv with and just waste time enjoying each other. Hearing I miss you or endless non important conversations.

Then it hit me, yeah I’m lonely and it sucks but I’m HEALING ❤️‍🩹 I have never made it this far when it comes to moving past things. Normally I would be in another relationship or entertaining the idea of one. Not only am I moving past the life I thought I was going to have but I’m also moving past my childhood. Learning why I have been in the situations I have been in. I’m changing my beliefs and how I process things so that I can avoid being in them again. It's not healing if it's a continuous cycle you never break.

My old habits are being broken. I am valuing myself and standing up for what I deserve. Today I feel like I can take on the world 🌎 and dammit I am going to.

I have to take a moment and thank one particular person (Now there are millions that have helped me on this journey). Oh my sweet sunshine Mic, thank you for holding me accountable and pushing me to be the absolute best me I can be. You will snap me out of my bad days and cheer me on even when we haven’t heard from each other. You tolerate my obsessive need to make sure YOU are the one that is okay. 😅 You tell me what I need to hear even when you know it's not going to be easy for me.

You make me view the world a little different since I've met you. I enjoy the wind, and the sky screaming at me. 😉 when I’m feeling down I listen to our playlist and remember even when I feel utterly alone I’m not. Love you sunshine ☀️ Thanks for always having my back no matter what.

I’m excited for everything to come the rest of the year. All the challenges and achievements. It’s hard living with mental health issues but I am seriously doing so amazing and wouldn’t know some of my closest friends if I didn’t have these issues.

It sucks and drains you but you are a special kind of person if you can be where I am and not look back at my past. I use to ruin every single day by looking back. Now that I am slowly (New habits take time) not focusing on the path behind me I have so many good days.

It’s incredible how now that I’m healing and loving myself most guys just aren’t good enough. You start doing so many things differently.

I'm not jumping in bed with people to feel some kind of connection, even on my worst days.

I’m not jumping into relationships ignoring the red flags.

I'm not dealing with men talking to me a certain way.

I AM NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE ANYMORE