Know Your Worth 🦋

I've thought about posting so much lately but just can't seem to get my thoughts in order. I'm not entirely sure they are right now but here we go.

I don’t think highly of myself by any means unless it comes to me being a mom. I would take a bullet for this kid. There is not one thing in this universe I wouldn’t do for him. I learned before even teenage years what it takes to be a parent by stepping in and becoming one when needed. Just like I would for Eddie I would have done anything to protect my siblings.

I've put who I was aside so that I could take care of everyone else my entire life. Sacrificed myself way too many times. I finally hit my limit today. I removed one of the most toxic people from my life and it took my sperm donor coming into town to make it happen. How ironic is that? I have made so many strides lately I still can’t believe I’m still standing here. In the past I would have been completely broken and lost but I’m not anymore. No matter what life throws at me I’m still standing and that is a damn miracle.

Don’t get me wrong I am fuming today. Out right angry…. I heard this saying this week and damn it hit home: “No dad is better than a bad one.” God damn this is true, so damn true. Just because someone blows their load in you does not make them a dad. This court system sucks and seems to think people get chance after chance but I don’t and I’m willing to fight like hell to keep my son safe. Being a parent isn’t coming once a year and ditching your kid for your new girlfriend. Being a parent is showing up all the time, sick, angry, sad, emotional. Providing food and education. Teaching them right from wrong and everything else they need to know. Working 12 hour shifts even if you didn’t get any sleep because that is what you do as a parent. You never stop because your biggest job is now taking care of that child.

For once this fight and drive to keep someone safe will go towards the one person in the world who deserves it. I have spent the last 3 years of my life getting treated like shit and used all because I was trying to save someone who at this point I can only love. That is one of the things I will be grateful to Darren for; he taught me my worth even straight down to deserving someone better than him (his own words). He taught me I don’t have to put up with the bull shit and that I don’t deserve to be treated like shit just because someone was my husband at one time or because I want something they have. I don’t have to bow down to anyone anymore, and I refuse.

Do not let anyone make you lose your worth. Do not let anyone make you feel like you deserve to be treated like garbage. Do not under any circumstance allow someone to treat you poorly. Walk away and don’t look back because that is the true act of valuing yourself. I don’t know a lot right now, but I know our lives are about to get way better and only go up from here. I got you always my little man.