It's been a minute

Well I planned to write after my 14th Ketamine treatment but I finally was feeling good so I got right back into life. I had my Ketamine December and it's January 7th. I am feeling really good still. Not sleeping all day, applying for jobs, going to the gym, and doing thinks I enjoy again. I started this year with a saying I came up with: "If it doesn't serve you, it doesn't concern you." I tend to take everyone else's feelings on and make them my own. I take on everyone's problems and make everything personal. I am huge over thinker. My past has made me expect the worst and not trust people. With this saying I've been able to trick my mind into letting things go that would have drove me nuts before.

I am working on becoming the best me while sticking my foot into dating. I am going to the gym (Can now do 20 ab crunches when I couldn't move the machine before). Not trying to lose weight just want to become stronger and healthier. Once I find a job and my benefits start I will start therapy and EMDR up with my therapist again. Dating is a slow and scary process. Letting someone in has never been an easy thing for me and now I have a kid. It's not just me anymore. Not only do I have a kid, I still have my step daughter a lot.

Am I ready for dating? Probably not but just because I got divorced doesn't mean my life just stops. I have to accept that it's time for a new chapter in my life, Plan B per say. I got my little man and me a puppy that will be joining us in February. The nice thing about dating is I can take it at what ever pace is right for the situation. Edward and I will be okay no matter what. I have no idea what 2020 has in store for me in any aspect of my life but I do know I am going to grow this year no matter what.

Edward is learning the alphabet and talking more and more every day. Watching him grow and being able to teach him is the best plan B I could have. I ended 2019 with losing people, my job, my heart broken and my soul crushed. I am finally doing good again. Learning to let things go along with boundaries has been so good. I am so grateful to all my friends, medication, and mostly Jackie from my Ketamine and Kayla my therapist. I may have lost a lot in 2019 but I sure as hell learned a lot. Most of all I am worth more than I give myself more credit. I deserve more than I allow myself to admit and I can accomplish whatever I want I just have to work hard for it.