It doesn't have to be all on you

I just have to take a minute because I’m incredibly blessed. I never knew what it was like to have a partner and not just a spouse/boyfriend. I do almost everything alone, very independent and self sufficient. Mostly because it's all I've ever known and sometimes because I'm stubborn as hell. Since Darren came into our life I’ve seen a whole different light with so many things. The smallest things most people do alone he wont let me do. This man jumped over his truck bed to get to my door before me so that he could open my door. He jumps in when he's here on the weekends in all aspects.

Today was something I’ve been through before but not any less scary. Eddie fell and hit his head on the cement and just wasn’t himself after that. We were driving and he fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up, it took getting him out of the car seat to wake him up. Darren didn’t let us go to the hospital alone and sat there listening to what the doctors said and not just there to be there. He genuinely loves Edward and is always there no matter what or how frustrating kids can be. He loves Cisna just as much and considers her mine even though I didn't give birth to her. When we were walking into the fair the family behind us started having conversations and something was said and I hear Darren say "They aren't mine yet."

We've known each other 72 days and even if something happens and we aren't each others forever; this man was meant to come into my life. He taught me what I deserve and little things I thought didn't mean anything. He is the kind of man I want Eddie to be and I am so grateful Eddie gets to watch and learn from him. He's the best addition to our family and I'm going to continue striving to be the best me so we can grow together along while continuing to become the best us we can be. For a long time I thought you had to completely heal from trauma and toxic relationships before you could have a good healthy one.

Meeting Darren I learned that you can have a healthy relationship while working on yourself. You just have to be willing to walk with each other as you both do what needs to be done to be your healthiest self. It does help that I worked damn hard on myself since 2019. I know I'll continue having setbacks like every person. It's learning from your setbacks and growing in all aspects that matters. I was so focused on my relationships and healing in them alone while putting myself on the back burner; while telling myself I was actually working on myself.

I look back and honestly as crazy as it sounds; I don't regret one thing that happened to me. I wouldn't be who I am today without any of it. Most of it was terrible and really sucked; but some of it was really amazing. I just used to only focus on the terrible. The best thing that came out of all this work wasn't just getting over my past and toxic traits but learning how to truly and completely love myself the best I can and not beat myself up on the day's I struggle to.

No matter what keep fighting, It took me 28 years to be this healthy along with have a healthy person who loves me for me and that I love back just as much. When I met my ex husband I thought for sure I had found my person and was going to be with him forever no matter how toxic it got. I stayed longer than I should have but the way I look at it now is the timing was perfect. If I had left sooner I may have not met Darren. Just like if I hadn't gone to the bar that night I wouldn't have met the man who has completely turned my life upside down in the best of ways.

Take chances, jump into uncomfortable situations; even when everything in you is telling you not to do it. Trust your instincts, I thought for a long time I wouldn't ever be able to because my instincts had been so damaged. Learning to love myself along with trust again helped me to be able to go with my instincts again. There is always light at the end of the darkness. I have amazing kids even if I didn't give birth to two of them. I have the most amazing boyfriend and healthy relationship that sometimes I think I am dreaming. Everything happens for a reason and I am grateful that every single damn thing happened to get me to where I am today.