I'm still standing

She's the light in a dark room She smiles with her eyes, it'll hold you In a moment you'll know you'll never walk away She's never been one to hold back If there's something on her mind you're gonna know that And you're gonna wanna listen to everything she'll say She's a bullet that's about to fire She's the steady that'll keep you sane

You see this girl..... She is beautiful beyond words, she is radiant and resilient. She will destroy herself to make sure others are okay. She loves so fiercely she feels it with every fiber of her being. She only knows this because people tell her so.

When she looks in the mirror she sees nothing close to that. She sees stretch marks and a body that is ruined from trauma. She sees a broken mess who is failing everyone. She sees a ugly view because it has to be true. How could people hurt me the way they have if I was a light or strong person. I am trying so hard to fight like hell to believe the things people tell me. A year ago at the end of June I believed these things and now I feel broken on the floor like before.

I know everyone has bad parts of life but I keep wondering when the bullets will stop flying. When will being able to breathe be a regular thing. The craziest thing about this all is I still love just the same. He cheated and broke me and I still love him. We will never be friends and I'm accepting this. All the guys before that who broke me as well and made me lose myself a little bit every day, I'm grateful for them. I even miss some of them. Every single person who judged me and broke my heart made me who I am and for that I will forever be grateful.

The past me has been coming up a lot but I've been able to keep myself on the boat no matter how hard it rocks. No matter what bullets fly at me. These eyes and soul are feeling a lot of pain lately but I know for a fact I will rise from the ashes like a phoenix. So if you are struggling as much as I am, just know it gets better. I don't know when or how I just know. I've done it so many times before, but this time I will rise better than I have ever been before.