Here I am Again

I started this week out so excited for this weekend and celebrating eddie turning 4 next week. Than I was hit with a wrecking ball when I found out that once again I made the wrong mistake picking men. This time it stings a little more than before because of Eddie though. The last couple nights he wakes up screaming that he doesn't have a dad and everyone leaves him. Well another man just proved him right.

I don't know how the hell I got here again. I tried so hard to not let him in and to protect us, than I thought for sure this wouldn't backfire in my face. He was persistent and promised he wouldn't hurt us. The problem is sometimes love just isn't enough. Kids aren't for everyone. In a way I did protect myself though because other than when the waves come I'm pretty held together.

Everyone keeps telling me I'm the strongest person they have ever met and I appreciate that but I'm tired of being the strong one. When are things going to start working in my favor? The worst part about all of this is the kids. You can break my heart all you want, I will always get up and keep going BUT it's the fact that the kids are going to be just as heartbroken when they realize he isn't coming around anymore.

Maybe everything happens for a reason though because some big changes are coming for us in June and I honestly think this is what Eddie and I need to move forward and get our life started. I just have to trust in the process and keep going no matter how hard it gets. The progress I've made knowing my worth and standing up for Eddie and myself.

Looks like the universe has more work for me to do, so hit me with it because I'm ready for a better future.