First 72 6/6/2020

Well I've officially been in an inpatient rehab center for 72 hours with no contact from the outside world. Rehab isn't what I thought it would be, maybe because I don't have an addiction problems. The in patient center I am in is for multiple things: drugs, mental illness, trauma, alcohol, etc. (Pathways Wholeness center)

We are more like a family than a bunch or broken people. Pathways focuses on fixing the whole person not just the issues. We focus on loving ourselves and affirmations. We make sure we are a whole loving person before we jump into the trauma. If you don't change the bad beliefs and hate for yourself into good beliefs and love for yourself you can't really get better. There is always an underlying reason we do the things we do.

It took me a long time to realize this. It explains why I kept going in circles never able to get off the destructive cycle I was on. I have no idea how long I'll be here. I know the last thing I wrote about I was doing Pathways IOP program. Well my therapist recommended in patient because of how stretched thin I was. Between being a single mom, making my relationship with Nik work, working 40 hours and than full time therapy multiple times a week I wouldn't have any time to process or work through anything. So here I am sitting three hours away from everything I know trying my best to get better.

I was going to have to wait till September but than I was laid off, things happen for a reason and this was no coincidence. No better time than the NOW. It's been a slow process which has been so frustrating and exciting at the same time. I want to be better so I can go home but I also love this approach. Loving yourself and making good beliefs before getting into the hard stuff. Learning who I truly am as Haley.

For example Friday we did Equine therapy. Holy cow that was remarkable. I forgot how amazing talking to horses was. The horse I matched with was named "Bug", my childhood nickname. They had just got her back two days before I had come to inpatient. There are no coincidences. I was meant to be here, at this time, and with this group of people. It may be a slow process but I know I am truly going to get better here. Let's get this!