Day 8

Today was a rough day for so many reasons. Work was stressful, I was up from 1-4 AM with a brain that just wouldn't stop. When it was time to get going for the day Edward fought tooth and nail because he wanted to stay in bed. Tuesdays are my long day and the morning was not setting me up for a good day. Not to mention I didn't get to work till 10 because nothing was going right.

Than I got disappointed and discouraged because no matter what I seem to do, it will never be enough for my dad. I don't think I will ever get his approval or be enough. For once I just wanted to hear I support you, I will be here no matter what happens because I love you.

So I'm going to take a deep breathe because I cannot control other people. I can not force people to give me the reaction I want. I have Ketamine tomorrow and can get a good reset. Than I am going to just focus on our future, no matter who agrees or disagrees. Eventually I will let go of the approval from my dad. Just have to continue working hard and fighting for what I deserve. Not take the hurtful things people say to heart and keep focusing on the end of the road.

I got my assessment scheduled for Thursday to get back into therapy so I can not only reset my brain but also continue fighting to heal and move forward. I've been continuing the work on my own but it definitely is beneficial to have someone to help walk you through the process.