Day 6

I am the worst at taking time for myself. I will always put others before me. I think that stems from not being enough to be taken care of as a child. Instead of being a child I had the responsibility of making sure my younger siblings were okay. I wouldn't change it though because the bond we have isn't like any siblings I've seen.

So after my terrible day yesterday I was successful at making today just a day. It wasn't amazing but it wasn't bad. I stayed in my pajamas, ordered pizza, finished cleaning and than sat on the couch watching horror movies. I finished my list of things I needed to do than put myself first. I put on a movie for the kid's in edwards room and had Becca over. We were able to just be and paint our nails.

I am going to make an effort to put me first sometimes more often. Like now, I usually record what I'm gonna write or make a video but tonight I sat down and am writing as it comes like I use to. Taking time to be me without being a mom, girlfriend/wife, employee, etc. I use to write stories that I eventually wanted to turn into books, blog posts, in a journal. Writing was something I did everyday and constantly. One day I just stopped making time for it. I let that slip away like I did everything else when it came to my needs.

Even if it means staying up an hour after Edward I will do it. I need it for my mental health and deserve to have a moment where I can breathe. I have helped so many people and will fight like hell to continue. I am going to learn how to give myself the love and time I dish out to everyone around me.

I have my tribe and so many others. I just have to let them in. I eventually let people in yesterday and I definitely felt better afterwards. My friend Lex came and just sat with me. We didn't talk about the mess in my head we just watched the kids played and enjoyed each other's company. Talking about our day and life.

I ramble in almost all my posts but what I'm getting at is make time for you. What is the point of people loving you if you don't love yourself. I want my kids to know mental health is normal but also that you can make it better with hard work. That they don't have a broken mom but a strong woman who fights everyday to make the best out of every situation. That's the best I have and it's enough.