A Breathe Of Fresh Air

Today’s post is going to be a little different. I don’t want my blog to just be about my bad days because part of recovery is having good days. This week has been a whirlwind of emotion. I found out my grandpa is on hospice until he passes, my husband and me have been on different wavelengths which has resulted in a lot of fighting. I am typically described as a happy, kind hearted person till I get mad. He and I love each other so fiercely that when we fight it gets intense.

Here’s a funny story that happened to be my reality. We online on a dating app (Plenty of fish) and didn’t really hit it off. I was in a dark place in my life (I bet that’s a big surprise) and everything in my life was a mess. I was laid off, lost a lot of people close to me, was depressed, angry, frustrated and needed a new start. So a few weeks after we didn’t hit it off on the app, he popped up in my people you may know and I decided what the heck. A few minutes later I got a message that said “Hello Beautiful!! At 7:11 AM on August 22, 2016. We hit it off immediately. He was like a fresh breath of air I hadn’t had in a long time. It was easy to talk to him and just be me. BUT he lived in Washington and I lived in Utah. So we made a plan to meet in Washington because he had two kids and I had nothing happening in my life at the moment. We may be the craziest love story you hear but it happened. We had decided I was moving out there, had fallen in love and decided to get married all before meeting in person. September 14, I got into my car half packed with all my stuff and drove 15 hours to meet this man I loved but barely knew. It went amazing if that isn’t already obvious and on September 22, 2016 we were married in downtown Seattle.

We got married so fast that we had a very rough beginning. He has two amazing kids with two different moms and I was not mentally prepared for that. It was very rough on me but if we hadn’t gotten married as fast as we had we wouldn’t have made it. So back to where I was getting at above.... I am a runner, I run from conflict, success, really anything I can. Because we are married I wasn’t able to run so it pushed me to face the issues in front of me. It's still a learning curve for us and we still have so much more to work; even almost 3 years later but I love this man with every fiber in me.

This weekend was such a good weekend. I haven’t had to take my rescue anxiety medication, haven’t been depressed and over all been happy. It has been a weekend for the books for sure. I got to take a newborns photos Saturday, than today my son had swim lessons, went to the splash pad, talked to an amazing woman about my writing goals and all the things I am working towards, and hung out till the kiddos went to bed. I had some quality time hanging out with the hubby and now I’m writing. Today was filled with laughter, smiles, and memories I will cherish forever. I have days where I am so depressed it is crippling but this weekend makes those days all worth the fight. I have an amazing husband who supports me in everything I do and three amazing children who brighten my day and remind me how amazing I really am doing.

I have an 11th Ketamine treatment Thursday and am going to continue being the best me while starting some new adventures with my writing. Now that I am happy I am going to really push myself to step out of my comfort box and be the best me I can possibly be. Here’s to good days and all the amazing things coming my way!