504 hours 6/23/20

This last week I've almost left so many times. Fighting the urge to run has been a challenge. But I'm still here, fighting for the healing I deserve. The urge to run home is only getting stronger. I am proving myself wrong, that I can stand strong and handle my shit without running or hiding. No matter how much I wanna run I'm gonna stand strong so my kids and me can have a whole happy life. I can tell the affirmations are starting to work. I'm less harsh on myself. Starting to believe the affirmations and not hate what I see when I look in the mirror. Starting to be able to pull myself out of panic attacks and manage coping in a healthy manner. I have had managed to not hurt myself by avoiding the urges. Managing the underlying problem instead of going numb.. I know what to do when I get those urges now. I'm still pretty closed off from crying and emotions but but I'm connecting with trauma and emotions, even if it's a small way. Maybe I don't need tp cry to process things. There will be a lot of work I stil need to work on out patient when I get home. I got this!