22nd Ketamine Treatment

They upped my dose today so it's now 6PM and I'm just starting to wake up. I'm still really out of it BUT my brain is silent. No rush of thinking or over analyzing this weekend or really anything. This weekend was a whirlwind of emotions and events. I stood up for myself and put my foot down and will no longer allow people to walk all over me. Even with everything going on I have been standing up strong and kicking ass. Getting my ketamine when I did caught anything coming so I don’t crash. The nurse called it having it down to a perfection. I always struggle with this because even having a treatments every 6 months makes me feel like I'm not doing well but most patients come every 3 weeks so it's a miracle I manage as much as I do.

I have gotten through my ex, my daughters mom causing drama, a break up and a miscarriage all in the last month and I'm standing strong almost 99% of the time. I've had a few breakdowns but other than that I've been able to pull myself together like nothing happened. I honestly never in a million years thought I'd be here. I've let so many things tear me down and just bent down and took it. One of my biggest accomplishment out of all of this is I didn't become a people pleaser and give into people like I always have in the past.

I have been learning from Eddie so much watching him grow and beat to his own drum. Not giving a care in the world what other people think of him and he's the happiest kid I've ever seen. So it's time to start learning more from him and enjoying life while just focusing on us and not letting anyone else have a say. Moving is going to be the start we need this time. Eddie and I will have a life and I will finally be fully supported with Eddie. Eddie will finally have a good male figure that is there no matter what. Were both going to be so much happier and honestly I wish we were moving this week not next but 9 days will come quick now that I'm going back to work tomorrow.

Thanks for showing me what a free life looks life my little man 💙