21st Ketamine Infusion

The two days before I got my ketamine infusion I was doing better and really happy. I always still get them because I have my brain and moods down to a science pretty much. I went back to my old clinic and it was nice being able to know most of the answers they needed to make sure my dosage was good and I was getting the benefit I needed from the treatment.

Now today I've been up and down which is frustrating but sometimes while the Ketamine heals the neuro pathways it brings up the depressive side or the bad memories. When I have been feeling great it's been such a good feeling. I've smiled more in the last two days than I have in a while. I slept a ton yesterday and didn't really eat much which is pretty common.

I think a lot of the negative emotions and thoughts are from seeing my ex husband in person. I can let everything go for the most part but sometimes you can't stop the bad memories from coming up.

My anxiety is through the roof right now and irrational thoughts keep popping in. It's also hard to navigate a healthy new relationship that's been so east. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like how can it be this smooth and good. That's what fairy tales are for and we all know fairy tales don't come true.

It's the second day so I'll have to see how I continue doing from this point on. No matter how many rough times I get ketamine is worth it every single time. I learn more and more about myself and discover more and more about who I am and the things I want. I don't have much more to say as of right now. Lately I've needed Ketamine every 4 months instead of 6+ and like the clinic keeps reminding me this is amazing. Most people needed it more frequently than that. So for that I will be grateful, be grateful that I am able and have it so accessible. I know so much about Ketamine and have safe clinics that take care of me. I wouldn't have gotten this far or made this much progress without it. It saved my life.