20th Ketamine Treatment

I scheduled this treatment because it would have been my 5 year wedding anniversary. Right after I scheduled the appointment I found out that the clinic was closing. Jackie my nurse has given me 18 out of the 20 treatments I've received. She's changed my life in so many ways it's going to be hard going to a new clinic but I'm grateful for everything she's done for me.

I was surprised when September 22 came around and I was fine, not even one second of negative feelings. It was a big eye opener that I had truly moved on and let go. When you are truly happy and let go of the baggage with the past, even memories aren't painful anymore. Just a thing that happened like tripping while walking. We made the best kid in the entire world so it made everything worth it.

This Ketamine experience was different; I think a lot of that has to do with how happy I am and was that day. I had some stress and worries about the ones I love but I'm getting good at compartmentalizing and not letting it affect everything. I'm grateful it worked so well because it gives me more time to find a new clinic without the fear of crashing.

20 infusions...... I look back when I started this journey and how utterly broken I was. How desperate I was to not even be happy but just to feel okay. Being able to wake up everyday and not wish I was dead. This blog started for my Ketamine journey and has served so much more than that. Some posts barely get read and others are read a ton; and that's okay because I know for a fact my blog has kept people from giving up. Given them hope and made them fight another day.

There wasn't much to update because I am doing amazing. Life is good, even when it gets stressful. Not just the ketamine but the amount of therapy I have done since starting Ketamine too....... All wars are hard but the war I've fought my entire life especially 2019+ is worth celebrating.

Ketamine saved my life but my bravery and determination to be a healthy person saved me. I give credit to anyone and anything that isn't myself. My sweet sunshine Mic always reminds me when I tell her she saved me, "Babe, I didn't save you. You saved yourself. That was all you sugar." She's right, because even though I know it would have been so much harder without her and my people; but I know for a fact I would have eventually made it and been as happy as I am now.

Fight like hell no matter how long it takes because if you would have told me 5 years ago that I would be this healthy and happy; I would have laughed in your face. Time to start giving myself credit and keep striving. Thanks for everyone who cheers me on and believes in me. I love you all xoxo