Curve Ball & Lessons

Lessons I’ve learned lately:

1. Just because you pick someone doesn’t mean they will pick you

2. You can’t love someone into loving you

3. Settling won’t work if the universe knows you deserve better

4. Even the smallest relationship can break you

5. Not ever being picked and behaviors that happened from when I was a child still holds my throat and needs healing

6. No matter how many times I feel like I’m not enough I have to tell myself it’s not true

Just when I thought I was done being single I was wrong. Zack's job has taken him to another state and doing long distance this early just wasn't ideal. I'm sad and it sucks but I wasn't in love so there is that. Sometimes I wonder if love isn't in the cards for me, maybe in another life I had such a huge true love that I don't get even a taste of it in this lifetime. But that's my brain's way of trying to make sense of the path my life has taken. Finding love shouldn't be this hard, being chosen shouldn't be this hard.

Now I have to tell my kids that another man won't be around anymore and that is killing me more than the rest. Once again I have failed Eddie by not keeping someone in our lives. He craves love just as much as I do...... Whether it be because he truly needs it or because we are so in sync it's scary sometimes. Either way, we're both going to be a little broken but this is nothing like what we've dealt with before so I need to remember we are going to be okay no matter how our stories end. I can be enough for Eddie even on the days when I feel like I can't and I want to run. Pick the easy path, but I wasn't built for easy.....