A Break in the Chaos

I busted my ass this week to get my schoolwork done before the weekend since my cousin is getting married so now I have some time to write. I can tell it's going to be one hell of a semester but I'm trying to keep faith and my hopes up high. I finally had a huge breakdown the other day and to say the relief and breath I took after I got all that pent-up emotion out was a great feeling.

Work is going so well still and I just got a raise, even though school is hard I'm doing it and enjoying myself, doing family activities, and just enjoying life. Eddie is killing first grade like I knew he would, he's even started reading! We're both about to start a type of therapy called Neuro Feedback therapy and I'm excited to see what this does for us. His OT therapist has said that until we address the trauma we are going to keep hitting a wall so I said let's do it. I'd do anything it takes to make sure he heals and is a healthy happy human. He deserves the world and I'll burn the whole damn world to make sure he has it.

I'm finally out of the dating scene and I met him organically. He is my best friend/neighbor's husband's best friend and man does this man make me happy. He's the first man since Darren that's made me feel safe. The kids love him and that was a huge relief for me. It's still new so right now I'm just enjoying being happy and having someone who actually makes an effort to talk to me and enjoys my presence. I'm not jumping to forever but I'm allowing myself to fall for this one because I think he's worth it. I love that we started as friends (which is why he's been around the kids). It wasn't forced and just happened and it makes me grateful. He makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world.

I realized today that someone who has stressed me out all week no longer has power over me. It's incredible what happens when you truly heal and are no longer reachable. I worked myself up for no reason and am winning in the end. It really comes down to she will always want what I have and she will never have it. I'm sticking to my boundaries for Eddie and me regardless of what any of the other family members have to say about it. Family is not blood, it's who is there when you need them and is kind to you. Because as I'm realizing if someone isn't kind they don't love you. It's that simple, being kind isn't a hard thing to do.

Overall life is hard like normal but I'm killing it like I always do. Every single person I was holding so tight to recently was released and I let go. I'm no longer grasping at straws thinking I can make things happen that aren't meant to. I let go and let the universe take the reins and it landed me with my Zack. It knows what it's doing for sure <3

Babe, thanks for being a light in our lives, I'm grateful you came into our lives