365 Days of Just Me

When I became single a year ago I didn't expect or plan on being single for a year. But, as time went on and therapy I realized I deserved to focus on me and Eddie. I realized some work needed to be done if I ever wanted a true long lasting relationship. I know that I have my flaws, I am probably more aware of them than anyone. I knew if I jumped into another relationship it could possibly work but would be incredibly hard, I also knew that the damage I had prior to my last relationship plus the new damage only made me hate myself more.

It was easy for the most part, I give Eddie the credit for that because I don't have a lot of time for me so it made it much easier. I didn't get lonely till late at night and it didn't get hard till a couple month ago..... It's like when your at the end of the work out and your so tired but you know you can't give up because your almost there. I couldn't give into the temptation just because I am lonely and don't like sleeping alone. I deserved this no matter how much my brain or situations told me other wise.

I deserve a relationship where I don't have to doubt how much I'm loved and it starts with me truly loving who I am, accepting that I am who I am. To show Eddie that healthy relationships are out there and how men should treat a woman. I know I'll get that someday, and I don't know if I will try dating right now or wait even longer. We have a lot of things happening in the future and the trauma work is just getting started again; but what I do know is I don't want to hurt someone else like I've been hurt because I find out I'm not ready or because I have a child I have to keep into consideration with because of how attached he was and still is to Darren.

If we hadn't split 365 days ago we wouldn't be in Idaho where we truly were meant to be. Life has been breathtaking, even on the painful days absolutely amazing. If we weren't here and Eddie had the behavioral issues he has idk how I would have survived. We both have amazing therapist who work to make sure we both are functioning okay and that we can have a bright and healthy future.

I highly recommend if you find yourself single or able to really just take time to self reflect do it. The being single, no social media, therapy and just being hyper aware of who I am has changed my life. I am loving who I am more and more everyday and every single person deserves that.