365 Days In Idaho

I can distinctly remember what my night looked like a year ago. I had just made an incredibly huge decision to move to Idaho so that Eddie and me could have a better life. We needed a place with less baggage. Not only did I need my dads help with Eddie quite frankly I needed my dad. My best friend Ambre and her husband drove all my stuff down and made sure everything was taken care of (so grateful for them).

It was overwhelming with so many emotions...... I wasn't just leaving behind a home I was walking away with heartbreak. Heartbreak I didn't think I'd ever have again, I thought for sure the promises being made were gonna be kept this time. I was shattered and terrified. I will never be able to 100% run away from memories with that man due to him going so many places with me.

We made it to Idaho and got everything into the garage, my dad still had the guest bed in my room so I just laid in that. I remember laying down and shattering. The tears flowed and the heart wrenching cry where your whole chest hurts. The last time I had laid in that bed he was next to me. How the hell had I ended up here again? How in the hell will I ever not be the girl who gets left behind. So I let myself feel every single crack and pain. The silent screams so no one else knew how truly broken I was. I had to get it all out so I could put that face on the next day. Be the strong mom my son knew, not the one who couldn't move.

It's been a year and not only did I successfully rock being single a whole year were still thriving. Therapy is going phenomenal for both of us and were the healthiest we've ever been. I have my little Idaho fam that have only brightened my life. I'm embracing my hyper awareness and accepting myself for who I am. Leaning into Eddie's needs while also pushing him to be the best human he can be. Life and parenthood are wild but I'm grateful I'm still here taking breathes of all kinds.

My best advise or sentence would be to fight like hell. I use to be so mad I've had to fight like hell for everything even Eddie but than I realized that because of me having to fight so hard I appreciate it more. Even with all the tears and pain I am so damn lucky! Fighting makes that clearer for me so I am thankful for the fight and will never give up.